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  I was halfway across the courtyard when Adonis grabbed my arm. “Cash—”

  “Just stop,” I spat harshly, yanking myself out of his grasp. “You're here to play basketball, not poke into my life. So just do that and stop worrying about me.”

  He shook his head. “What the hell happened to you? Before you started going here and dating these dudes, you used to tell me everything. You're the only person I thought I could trust, but since you can't even do the same, I guess I'm gonna have to find someone else.”

  “Don—” he cut me off by walking back towards the gymnasium, not wanting to hear it any longer.

  My head was spinning, and I must've not been in my right mind because I didn't even know when I ended up at Zeus' doorstep.

  I raised my hand to knock but the door was already opening. Levi was on his way out, and he walked right into me.

  “Shit, sorry Cashmere,” he apologized, steadying me before taking a closer look at my face. “Are you crying? Oh god, which side of the love triangle fucked you up?”

  “What do you mean 'which side?” I asked, slightly confused before quickly understanding that he meant Diego as well and rolled my eyes. “You're so dumb. Zeus is my boyfriend, and I don’t like when you make jokes like that.”

  “Then why are tears in your eyes?”

  I sighed. “My brother is on campus, and I made him upset.”

  He tilted his head to the side. “Why is he even here?”

  “Damn, it's like fifty fucking questions with you,” I said, starting to get defensive as I wiped my eyes. I’ve been through too much for some stupid interrogation by Levi. “But he's transferring here for basketball for the spring semester.”

  “Are you serious?” He said, his eyes bugging out of his head.

  “Yeah… why the panic?”

  “I gotta go,” he said, brushing past me to head out. “Zeus' probably waking up right now.”

  I yelled for Levi to wait, but he just kept walking down the hallway. With a sigh, I pushed the door open and made my way to Zeus' room.

  “…don't want to wait until next year when I could do it now,” Zeus' voice was floated through the dorm, and I cracked the door open to see him sitting on the bed.

  “Hi,” I said, smiling at him. He smiled back and patted the spot in the bed next to him and pulled me close as I sat down.

  “Why can't I go in this year? They want me more now than they would next year.” He took a pause to listen to the other person before sucking his teeth and hanging up the phone.

  “What happened?” I asked, leaning into his side.

  “I'm trying to go into the draft at the end of the school year,” he said, placing his phone down on the bedside table. Then he noticed my eyes were red and he instantly sat up. “What's wrong, babe?”

  “Nothing.” I smiled and urged him to continue. He didn't have to get tangled into this.

  “Seriously, what's up? You look like you cried,” he pushed the issue, so I just sighed.

  “My brother is on campus right now trying to transfer,” I admitted, and Zeus started to stroke the top of my head in a soothing manner.

  “Why is that so bad?” He asked, and his fingers worked their way into my scalp. “Didn’t he want to go to a higher ranking school for basketball?”

  “Mad shit has been going on with that team. I don't want my brother to be mixed in with it, but he wants to play ball. I can't stand in the way of his dream.”

  He was going to say something in response, but his phone rang. He looked at the caller ID and cursed before putting it back down. A few moments later, it rang again. “Just pick it up. I don't want to hear that ugly marimba sound another time.”

  He sighed before picking it up. “What the hell do you want?”

  I could faintly hear the high pitched breathy voice in the background, and I instantly knew it was Jasmine. I rolled my eyes and sat up.

  “I'll talk to you later, I have to get to work,” I lied, well kind of. Work didn't start for another two hours, but that was two hours I didn't have to spend with him speaking to Jasmine on the phone.

  “Cash, stop it,” he said, trying to pull me back down. Her voice was getting louder to the point where I could make out words if I actually cared to listen closely. “Shut up, Jasmine.”

  I didn't want to hear all this, especially with everything else going on in my mind. I know he probably had a reasonable expiation, but I just didn't want to listen right now.

  Walking through the doorway, I numbly walked into the hallway and I could hear Zeus' footsteps and my name behind me, but I ignored them until he had to physically spin me around.

  “What the hell is going on, Cashmere?” Wow, it was the first time in a while that he used my full name, so I knew he was being serious. “I know you're not like this just because your brother showed up. What is up with you?”

  “It's nothing, Zeus. Just drop it.” I was tired of conversing and tired of the constant back and forth. I didn't want to talk about it, so why was I being forced to?

  “Why do you think you can just push me away when I'm trying to know more about you?” He yelled out of frustration, gripping his hair in his hands. “You've been so closed off from the start, and I don't even know what's going on with you half the time.”

  “Me?” I asked in disbelief. “Zeus, the first month I met you, you were still fucking around with the same girl you just hung the phone up on. Excuse me if I'm a little skeptical.”

  “This isn't even about Jasmine,” he replied, looking directly at me. His eyes were steely, something I’ve never seen before. “This is about you and me. I promise you, I haven't been near her since we started going out. I would never disrespect you like that. But apparently you love disrespecting me.”

  “How do I disrespect you?”

  “You'd rather tell Diego, or even fucking Levi more shit that goes on in your life than me!” He was fed up, and now I regretted my attempt to try to defer the conversation. “Cash, it's either you start telling me things or I can't do this.”

  “W-what?” I stammered, taking a step back. Things were going from bad to worse, no matter what I said. I was damned if I did, and damned if I didn’t.

  “I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want, but it feels horrible when you have to hear your best friend tell you things you don't even know about your girlfriend,” he said, shaking his head.

  “Zeus, I'm sorry about everything, okay? I promise to be honest with you from now on, but my past is shaky, and I don't want to reopen old wounds by having to repeat things. Please just understand.”

  He sighed before cradling the sides of my neck and kissing the top of my head. “Just please, no more secrets.”

  I rolled my lips into my mouth, knowing a lie was about to come out. “I promise.”

  nineteen: break

  “What’s going on?” I asked a girl who was running across the courtyard.

  “Break is about to start, so everyone is basically throwing their last parties for the year on campus!” She said, smiling brightly. “Which reminds me…”

  She shoved a bright orange flyer in my hand and continued on her way, giving them out to everyone that crossed her path. I looked down and I saw it was for a party to congratulate the football team on making it to the playoffs. They were on track to become NCAA champions since they were undefeated all season. Nice.

  Zeus most likely knew about the party already, but I still texted him the details and asked if he was going. When I didn't receive a response, I assumed it was because he was in practice until Levi approached me.

  “Hey, have you seen Zeus? He was supposed to show up at practice but he didn't, and he wasn't in his room this morning either,” he said, shifting his gym bag on his shoulder.

  “No, I haven't seen him since yesterday,” I said, confused. “I thought he would be at practice since he isn't answering my texts.”

  “Wow. If he won't answer you, I have no clue what's going on.” He adjusted th
e baseball cap on his head before shrugging. “Where are you headed?”

  “Campus bookstore. Wanna come?”

  “Nah, I got better things to do, but if you see your coworker around, tell him to text me. His lips felt nice around my dick.” He winked before he jogged across the yard, leaving me shocked. “See you around!”

  “Hey!” I called after him, but he was too far to hear me. I wanted to talk about him acting mighty suspicious yesterday around me, but he seemed to get away from me before I could actually say anything.

  It was weird. Everything felt so calm yet out of order. It felt like the aftermath of a heavy thunderstorm but the premise to a hurricane. It was tense yet normal. Finals were all throughout this week, but I had finished my last one today. I had time to relax.

  My phone vibrated and I perked up because I thought it was Zeus. When I went to check, it was only Isra.

  “What?” I answered, slightly annoyed.

  “Jesus, fix the attitude,” Isra said, before cheering up. “Because we're going to the football party tonight!”

  “Oh god, you got the flyer too?” That girl must've given it to almost everyone on campus. “I guess I'm going then.”

  “Wasn't really an option but glad you agree!” She said excitedly. “Now get back over here so you can help me pick an outfit and I can help you pick one!”

  “Do you really want to spend your last week of the fall semester partying with sweaty barely legal adults?” I asked, sorting through the pile of clothes on Isra's bed.

  “You just basically described college life in general,” she retorted, throwing a black low-cut dress into my lap. “Wear this.”

  I glanced at the dress and almost balked. It was the same dress I wore last spring to that godforsaken party. “Not a chance in hell.”

  She looked up and noticed what dress she picked out. “Oh, come on. Don't be superstitious. Just because one bad thing happened in the dress doesn't mean anything. You looked hot in it last year.”

  “Isra—”

  “Come on, please. If you're not enjoying the party, then we can leave, and I'll never force you to another party ever again.”

  “Deal,” I instantly said. I loved parties, but I hated being forced to attend one.

  “Yay!” She clapped as she found an outfit quickly after that. “Now go do whatever it was you were doing before.”

  “That's it?” I made a face, because I could've been halfway across campus to work already. “You called me just to decide what we're wearing?”

  “Uh, yeah. I was not about to frantically look an hour before the party and look a mess.” Her eyes darted around the room, and I knew she was lying.

  “We'll talk more when I get back,” I promised her, narrowing my eyes. I had to run now to get over to the bookstore, and I was out of breath by the time I sat at the counter.

  “Hey, Cash,” Travis said, smiling at me as he finished counted the change in the register.

  “You fucked Levi?” I said a little too loudly, and he slammed his hand in the drawer.

  “Shit!” He yelled, shaking his hand out. “Thanks for that!”

  “Sorry, not sorry.” I picked up a towel we always kept by the register and started to hit him with it. “How could you not tell me you guys hooked up when I set you up in the first place?!”

  “Jesus, it wasn't even that serious,” he said, slapping the towel out of my hand. “It was a one-time thing.”

  “Then how come he asked for me to tell you to text him?”

  “He said that?” Travis' eyes widened, and a small smile lit up his face. “No kidding.”

  “Y'all cute or whatever,” I said in response, smiling at how happy he looked.

  “Shut up,” he mumbled before looking back at me. “What about you and Zeus? What's good with that?”

  “We've been doing okay,” I admitted, shrugging my shoulders. “Like everything used to be about sex, but I really, really like him. I feel as if I'm going to fuck everything up though.”

  “It gets like that sometimes,” Travis said, spinning in his chair so he could completely face me. “There's always rocky roads in relationships, but whether you choose to pave them is up to the both of you.”

  “There you go again, philosophy minor,” I said with a laugh. “You sound so profound sometimes, it's actually funny.”

  He shrugged and sent me a smile. “What can I say? I'm the black Socrates out in these streets.”

  “The streets of Massachusetts?” I asked with a laugh. “Get outta here.”

  Travis never failed to make me laugh.

  Nessa sat in front of me during the designated hours the newspaper had the computer lab and just stared at me, without saying anything.

  “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” I muttered, still typing away at my laptop. She gave herself and the rest of the writers a two hour deadline, so I don’t know why she was wasting time looking at me instead of typing.

  “I just can’t believe you’re dating Zeus Kassar,” she finally said, shaking her head. “He’s kind of a dickhead. I have no idea how you can stand each other.”

  I sighed, because if anyone deserved an explanation, it was Vanessa. She was with me through the whole basketball debacle, so it was a little messed up that I didn’t tell her a long time ago about him.

  “He’s not like that anymore,” I explained with a sigh as I looked over my screen at her. “He’s really sweet once you get to know him.”

  Nessa raised an eyebrow and bit her lip, which was how I knew she didn’t want to say anything, but she couldn’t help it. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt like last year. You’re dating someone on a sports team again, you need to be careful.”

  “I know,” I replied, now exasperated at the advice I already knew to heed. “I’m not stupid. He doesn’t know about any of that and I just want to keep it that way right now.”

  “Are you dumb?” Nessa spat, shaking her head. “How do you expect to keep something like that from him? He goes to school here and is in bed with the sports department. Unless you tell him, he’s going to find out one way or another.”

  “Nessa, I’m hearing you, but I don’t want to talk about this here.” I looked around and even though most of the club members had headphones in, I didn’t want to risk everyone knowing my business. “Are you coming out tonight?”

  “Last party of the semester, you know I am,” she answered before going back to her article. “See you there?”

  “Yeah, but I don’t think I’ll be drinking like that,” I replied, before getting back to work. Or, at least tried to. Nessa’s words were engrained into my thoughts and it had me reconsider what I thought was the right thing to do at first. Maybe I should tell Zeus what happened.

  I could tell him tonight when I saw him.

  I really didn't like large parties.

  They always tripped me out, and I never liked to feel off balanced unwillingly. I was already on my second cup of whiskey and I was starting to get a little tipsy.

  The music they were playing was that nasty fist pumping electronic music, so I was just in the corner with Nessa and her other friends. Isra disappeared as soon as we stepped foot inside the house, but I wasn't even looking for her.

  Most of the football team was here since the party was in honor of them, but I didn’t see Zeus with anyone else.

  “Um, hi.” I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned around to see a pretty brunette girl with a cup in her hands. I remembered her from somewhere, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

  “Hello…?” I couldn't remember her name for the life of me!

  “You probably don't remember me, but we met in the bookstore like two months ago. My name's Davina.” Oh right!

  “Hi!” I said, smiling at her. “How are you? Did you make new friends that aren't racist pieces of shit?”

  She laughed. “Yeah. Turns out, once you drop your friend who no one really likes, people will start to talk to you.”

  “Who knew?” I
replied with a laugh. “Enjoy the party, sweetheart.”

  “Thank you.” She blended back into the crowd and I still had a smile lingering in my face.

  But that smile died in an instant when I noticed Zeus and Jasmine across the room, arguing. They were yelling but since the house was so loud, I couldn't catch what they were saying. All of a sudden, she started to flip out and hit him in his face, which caused him to grab her wrists and basically drag her through to the backyard.

  I know my ass should've stayed put and not been nosy, but I had to see if everything was okay. Pushing my way through the crowd, I opened up the back door and heard Zeus and Jasmine yelling.

  “…can't be mine, you fucking liar!” He yelled, his hair in between his fingers. “I haven't even had sex with you in three months!”

  “Yes, you did.”

  “I don't believe you,” he said, shaking his head. “I tell your dad yesterday that I want to go into the draft and suddenly you're pregnant? I didn't even fuck you for you to be five weeks along!”

  “Third week of October, Zeus, when you played Clemson. You might have been crossfaded and called me 'Cash', but you still stuck your dick in me with no condom.”

  My heart dropped and I couldn't breathe. “Oh my god.”

  Zeus' head snapped towards me, and his eyes widened. “Oh shit, Cash—”

  I shook my head feverishly. “Hell no. Hell fucking no!”

  I couldn't do this. Absolutely not. I didn't want to think about anything. I didn't want to think at all. I went back into the house and picked up the first bottle of Jack Daniels I could find and proceeded to chug it down.

  “Cash?” Isra tried to stop me from finishing the whole bottle, but it was too late. “Jesus Christ, what happened?”

  “Jasmine is saying Zeus got her pregnant.” I tried to say it aloud without crying.

  “Oh shit,” she said, shaking her head. It was strange, she seemed to appear out of nowhere to witness my demise, but I didn’t care. I needed all the support I could get from my friends. “You're gonna need all the drinks you could get.”