Blow Page 15

  “I'm sorry,” were his parting words before backing away and heading on his own way.

  I barely had time to process anything before I ran in the direction Levi stalked off in. He wasn't far, so I caught up easily with some jogging.

  “Where are you going?” I asked, but he stayed silent as he walked.

  We ended up at his football practice, where he entered the locker room. He held the door for me, which indicated he wanted me to come with, which was weird.

  After passing a couple rows of lockers, we ended up at Diego's, who was currently standing in front of it, laughing with some of his teammates. His teammates immediately got quiet, and I shifted uncomfortably behind Levi to avoid their stares. Some of them most likely saw me in the video this morning, and after a few moments I started to feel like I made a huge mistake coming in here.

  Levi strode up to him and tapped him on the shoulder. Diego turned to him and noticed me at the same time.

  “What's good?” He asked, his eyebrow raised. He then saw me behind Levi with my arms crossed, and he could tell that by my facial expression, I was pissed. “You alright, Cash?”

  “Oh, don't worry about her. She's good, no thanks to you.” Levi dropped his bag and in one fluid motion punched him in the side of his face.

  I gasped, my eyes wide. I wanted an explanation, but I didn’t think he’d hit him as hard. “Shit, Levi!”

  Diego shoved him against the metal lockers, trying to get him off but Levi kept hitting him. Their yelling attracted the attention of the locker room, and soon there were several other guys getting in between them, trying to separate them.

  “What the hell is going on in here?” A voice bellowed, and Coach Gallagher came from around the corner, his face beet red. “Break it up right now!”

  “This prick started hitting me for no damn reason!” Diego said between his pants, hitting the locker door with his fist in anger.

  “Did you or did you not show that video to Jasmine and the team?” Levi seethed. I've never seen him this angry; his face was so red and his eyes were so narrowed. “Don’t fucking lie to me.”

  Diego looked at me in astonishment, and I could tell that he really did it. The look in his eyes explained everything. “How the hell—”

  “Did I find out?” I finished, my eyebrow raised. “Leo of all people told me. But I didn't believe him until now, when I just looked you in the eyes.”

  “Get this melodramatic bullshit out my locker room,” Coach said, rolling his eyes. “We play football, not fight over someone’s slut.”

  “If you don't shut the fuck up right now,” Levi said, his eyes now moving to his coach, “I will personally put you in an early grave.”

  “Whoa, bro chill,” one of his teammates, Isaac, tried to calm him down.

  “Is that a threat?” Coach said, his eyebrow raised. “Because that holds weight for a two game suspension.”

  “Levi, stop,” I said lowly. I didn't want him benched for any games because of me.

  “No, that's a promise,” he spat harshly, completely ignoring me. “You might as well suspend me indefinitely.”

  “Cash, can I talk to you?” Diego pleaded, before shaking his head. “I want to explain.”

  “Explain what?” I spat, backing away from him when he took a step closer. “What can you possibly say that can excuse you doing this to me?”

  “Cash, you knew I liked you and you still went ahead to choose Zeus, my best friend,” he said. “I knew what that video was, you just were never supposed to find out it was me.”

  “This is about Zeus, huh?” Why was it that I was always used as a pawn in men’s games? Was I this messed up that my only use was to be played with? “Did you think you’d get with me by humiliating me in front of everyone? That I’d be so broken as to run into your arms?”

  He was silent, and I knew the answers to all of those questions. My stomach lurched, and instantly I felt repulsed by Diego’s presence in front of me.

  “I would never, ever run to you, and you’re a sick person for showing that video,” I said, my face screwed up. How could he switch up so fast in a matter of months? Where was the person who defended me against Jasmine in the courtyard just a few months prior?

  He was gone, and the sociopath in front of me right now replaced him.

  “Whatever, everyone sees you’re a whore anyway,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “You’re damaged goods now, so no one will want you. But hey, I got that video to beat my meat to whenever I want.”

  My blood ran cold and I gnashed my teeth together, not to pop on him. I tried to hold back my tears, but it was getting hard with how hot my skin was. How could he say these things when he seemed so nice when we first met?

  I honestly just needed to get off this campus.

  “Fuck you,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I wish you ate me out so you could tell me how good Zeus' cum tastes.”

  The locker room hissed as I turned to leave, sensing how deep my words cut. I was done with this entire place, and I needed to go.

  “Cashmere!” Levi wrapped his hand around my shoulder, probably for comfort.

  “Yes?” I asked him. I was still so shaken from the event that all happened in a span of thirty minutes that I had to walk to a nearby trash can and throw up once again.

  “Jesus Christ, I would swear you're pregnant or something with the way you're throwing up,” Levi said, cringing as he handed me his water bottle.

  “Fat chance,” I said, rolling my eyes. “I got off my period three days ago.”

  We walked to the admissions office, and his eyebrows furrowed. “What are we doing here?”

  “I have to leave this school, Levi,” I said, shaking my head. “I should've left here the first time this happened, but my mom made me to stay. That’s honestly the biggest regret of my life… beside dating another athlete.”

  I went in for about an hour, and I spoke with an admission officer about switching my transcript to Fordham, which is where one of my aunts works in admissions as well. The officer said it would be a relatively easy transition since I could commute from home, and I could start after winter break.

  When I finished, Levi was still sitting outside to my surprise, texting on his phone and sitting in an awkward position.

  “I thought you'd have better things to do,” I asked. “Why are you still here?”

  “I had practice, but I need a day or two before I go back in there,” he said, shrugging. “Plus, I'm bored and going back to my room is not an option unless I want to throw up like you with Z and that bitch sucking up all the air.”

  I chuckled, before smiling slightly. “Guess who's transferring to Fordham after break?”

  His face faltered before wrapping his arms around me in a hug. It was the first time he's done something like that, and it made me feel like I actually still had someone left that actually cared.

  “Now come on,” he said, throwing his arm around my shoulder. “If this is going to be one of your last days here, we might as well grab lunch from the dining hall that actually serves good food.”

  twenty three: move

  two days later

  The sounds of shuffling echoed through the half empty dorm as I was stuffing the last of my clothes into my suitcase. It was the last day students could be on campus before winter break, and I was rushing to pack last minute things. Levi was driving me to the airport in a few minutes.

  Nessa was right beside me, packing my clothes as fast as she could into boxes. She hasn’t said a word to me since I called her crying about what happened with Zeus and Diego. She knew I was still fragile about the events. Fragile wasn’t the word though, I felt like I was drowning in a sea of helplessness; I couldn’t get Zeus to trust me again because of my lies and he was blinded by Jasmine’s wiles. I knew Nessa wasn’t quiet because she was mad at me; she just knew I wanted to leave as soon as possible.

  “I’ll bring your bathroom things out and put them in the container,” Vanessa said, and she dis
appeared behind the door to fulfill the task.

  To my surprise, the doorknob jiggled and in walked Isra, wearing a dress and probably the same makeup from last night. Her mascara was running under her eyes, almost as if she was crying.

  “Hey, where’ve you been?” I asked before narrowing my eyes at her. “I’ve been texting you, it’s the last day we can be in here and you haven’t even started packing.”

  She shook her head and sniffled. “I was at some parties and I slept over at Vanessa's.”

  My eyes narrowed from confusion, not understanding how she would blatantly lie to my face like that. And it was clear when Nessa walked out of the bathroom to catch Isra in her lie. “Girl, you’re a goddamn liar. I would never let you sleep in my room.”

  Isra gasped, clearly not expecting her to be present in the room. “Um, I mean—"

  “Okay, what’s up?” I asked, stopping my packing. “Because you’ve acting weird to me lately and I don’t know what’s going on. And now you’re lying straight to my face?”

  Sitting on her bed, she pulled her hair back from her face and sighed as Nessa and I stared at her. “Cash, I have to tell you something.”

  Since we haven't really talked for the last few days, it must be important. I wanted to hear it, and then see if it connects to her reason for the constant lies.

  “Um, I failed one of my midterms,” she confessed, twiddling her thumbs and her eyes looking everywhere else but at me.

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Nessa asked, squinting at her. She was defensive already because of Isra, and this situation had left her feeling even more apprehensive. “That doesn’t explain why you lied.”

  “I failed my tech theatre exam,” she continued, ignoring Nessa and finally looking at me. Her eyes were bloodshot, like she was crying all night. “So… you need to understand why I had to do what I did.”

  “Isra…what are you talking about?” I asked slowly, walking towards her and holding her by the shoulders. “Just tell me.”

  “I was going to lose my international scholarship, and I can't afford to pay for school without it,” she stammered. “Which is why when Jasmine told me she could help me out, I had to take the chance.”

  “Jasmine? What the fuck—” My eyes widened, and my hands fell from her as everything clicked.

  The only reason Zeus thought the video was recent was because I wore the same dress from the video. Isra was the one who insisted for me to wear it, despite my disapproval and reluctance.

  “I have no friends,” I spat disbelievingly, backing away from her. “I'm a fool. I must have 'play the shit out of me' written across my forehead.”

  “You bitch,” Nessa said in a low whisper as she connected the dots the same time as I did. “To your own roommate? Your only friend?”

  “Cash—”

  “I introduced you to my fucking family because I felt like you were a sister to me! And you plotted with same bitch I came to you about constantly!”

  “I'm sorry—”

  “'I'm sorry'?” I mocked her, my fists clenching. My knuckles were already bruised and torn from beating up Leo the other day. “Fuck you!”

  I shoved her backwards into the wall, not caring how hard she hit her head. If I allowed myself, I would've probably killed her, but all I just wanted to do was leave.

  “Cash, chill,” Nessa said, grabbing my bag from the bed and pushing me back. “She’s not worth it at all, trust me.”

  “God, and to think I would've called you my best friend at some point.” I shook my head before grabbing my bags and leaving the room.

  I needed to get back to New York and surround myself within the four walls of my room so I could just let everything out. The longer I stayed here, the worse I would get.

  “Cash, you good?” Nessa asked, halting me as I walked down the hall. “Take a breath—”

  “I can’t!” I yelled, swinging back to look at her with tears threatening to spill out my eyes. “I’m tired of people in my life using me or betraying me like this. What did I do to deserve this shit?”

  I placed my bag down and put my face in my hands. I didn’t want to cry but I couldn’t help it. These past few weeks rivaled what happened last spring, and I felt like such an idiot for thinking I could be in another relationship this quickly.

  It was silent for a few moments before Nessa blurted: “Isra outed me to my mom when we were friends last year.”

  Now it was my turn to be shocked. “Wait…what?”

  She nodded and shrugged her shoulders as she downcast her eyes to the carpeted hallway floor. “Yeah, we stopped being close after I dated this girl last year, and one day my mom called her to check up on me. Even though I told her so many times that my family didn’t know, she still told my mom I was with my girlfriend.”

  That was more fucked up than I ever expected. I thought they stopped being friends over petty drama, but this? “Why did you tell me? I never had a clue, and she always said she didn’t know why y’all stopped being friends.”

  “Well, I guess you found out she’s just a liar,” Nessa quipped, shifting my items in her hands. “But I knew you guys were super close, so I didn’t want to fuck up your friendship. Now I wish I did so you didn’t get snaked by that British bitch.”

  “I’m just so over it, I just want to go home and never come back,” I admitted, shaking my head.

  Levi was leaned against his car, and I almost laughed at how just a few weeks prior, he was driving Isra and I to the train station when everything was okay.

  But it was never going to be okay again.

  “You ready?” He asked, taking my bags from Nessa’s hands.

  “Yeah,” I answered, with a sigh. It was now or never.

  “I’m gonna miss you so much,” Nessa said before pulling me in for a tight hug. “You’re leaving me in this shithole.”

  “Only for a semester,” I replied with a chuckle. “You graduate next year, and then I see you in New York for grad school.”

  She nodded and took a deep breath before turning to leave. “And let me know if you want me to drag Isra around the yard. Just say the word.”

  Although I really wanted to say yes, I knew it wasn’t going to do anything. It was similar to the way hitting Leo only granted me temporary catharsis. I had to remove myself from here to find real peace.

  “Cash.” I looked up to see the root of all my recent problems, ten feet away and approaching. “Are you leaving?”

  “Yeah, I am,” I said, opening the door to the truck. I didn't really want to speak to Zeus, but I needed to let him know the truth before I left with loose ends.

  “I’ll see you around after break. We should talk then.”

  My eyes narrowed before I chuckled. “No, you won’t actually. I'm transferring, so you can tell the mother of your child that she won. I'm finished here.”

  Zeus' eyebrows raised. “What?”

  “There's no reason for me to stay anymore. I basically lost all the people I thought were my friends, and this place is too toxic.” I ran a hand through my hair before throwing my bag in the passenger seat.

  “Y-you can’t,” Zeus said, looking through the car from the open door. His gaze then cut to his teammate. “Levi? You're just gonna let her leave? Just like that?”

  Levi rolled his eyes before turning towards the dashboard. “You let her leave, not me. You need to learn to stop leaning your own blame on others to help carry it.”

  I sat in the car and rolled down the window to just look into Zeus' face. I could see the vulnerability within his eyes by the way they flitted across my face, the nervous sweat that began to break out at the start of his hairline, the way his tongue would dart out to lick his slightly chapped lips, and I almost wondered what could've happened if we met when things weren't so fucked up.

  “Stay, please. We can work something out, just don’t leave,” he pleaded, his hand reaching up to touch the side of my face, and even after all this, I wanted to stay for the boy I
met at the side of the frat house, that cracked a joke about cliché horror films, the boy that took me out for Arabian food, the boy that came home to meet my family at thanksgiving.

  “I have to go for myself,” I said, taking his hand away from my cheeks. “It's not even about you anymore, because I should've left a long time ago.”

  He bit his lip, before backing away from the truck to let Levi start it up.

  “By the way,” I said softly, when I rolled the window down. “The video was really made eight months ago, if it even matters to you. I just happened to wear the same dress that night, and Diego, who I thought was my friend, was the one who shared the video around your team.”

  His eyes widened, and he gripped the window. “Wait, what?”

  “Ask Wesley Molloy on the basketball team, he'll tell you what you need to know,” I said, before buckling up my seatbelt. “But I have to go, or I’m gonna miss my plane.”

  “No, wait,” he started, but I didn't let him finish.

  “There's nothing you can do now, Z,” I told him, sadly smiling. God, if I had met him a year ago, would everything will be the same? “Make sure you go into the draft this year, don’t listen to anyone. You’re talented and I know you can do it.”

  “Cashmere...”

  “Bye, Zeus,” I said, and Levi pulled out of the parking lot before he could say anything else and drove off.

  “Are you okay?” Levi asked, after twenty minutes of silence passed.

  “No,” I said, my voice finally cracking. “No, I'm not.”

  He sighed and missed the exit to the airport, which made me look at him bewildered. I was going to miss my plane!

  “Are you drunk?” I asked sharply, turning around to see the airport exit getting further and further. “You missed Logan.”

  “Yeah, yeah, shut up,” he grumbled, while keeping his eyes on the road. “I'm driving you home.”

  “What?” I stammered, confused. It was at least a five hour drive, and after everything that occurred it was too much to ask. Plus, flight tickets weren’t cheap, and they were nonrefundable at that.